I’m so, I don’t even know what I’m feeling. But I will do whatever I need to feel better. But again I’ve had my meds. Well except for the 160mil Geodon. I’ve taken 4 Valium today. I just can’t get out of this depression. I have no idea what I want. I sent an email into my therapist because something has been bugging me all day. I made a thread about it if anyone cares. I feel dirty with myself. I have had caffeine. Not a ton though. Just a coke and a couple mugs of low caffeine tea. So maybe the lack of caffeine is what the issue is. I’m not sure coffee at this time is a good idea. But if it puts me in a better mood maybe I’ll try it.

Edit: I didn’t have any extra calories for coffee. But I had a cherry Vanilla Coke Zero and a rice cake. And I guess I feel a bit better. More alert and slightly less anxious and depressed.

Now everything is back and my mom is super concerned now that I’m working myself into an eating disorder because I just don’t eat much. My body hurts all over right now. I’m tired but I don’t have a fever or any respiratory issues except a slight tightening of my chest. Basically I just have the pain and loss of appetite.

My gynecologists office called the insurance wants me to do the ultrasound first before the final approval. The nurse said it’s just a routine thing and they will still pay for it. Of course I’m freaking out even if my mom and the doctors aren’t. Because that’s just the type of person I am.