The loneliness is hitting me hard today. But I guess it is more having AvPD than the Corona mess. I feel like at least some things are somewhat back to normal again, but I'm still standing on the sidelines. The concert tonight definitely felt almost normal again.Except for the extra check at the entrance for a corona certificate (vaccinated, recovered or neg test result) and having to wear a mask in the toilets. And no meet& greet afterwards.

I had fun but I was also very lonely. Last tour I did, in October 2019, I ran into people I knew at every gig I went to. Today I was alone. And most people around me where in groups. It hurt.
I don't know how much of it is because so many events were cancelled and things were just different, or maybe it was people naturally moving away? Whatever it was, it makes me sad.

I skipped my office shift this week for a similar reason. I didn't actually feel worried about covid, but more because I'd feel.... left out? I don't know if that's the right way to describe it. I can't to know people and feel comfortable during a single week. Maybe I was scared of feeling different.

I certainly feel very different today. And I've been trying so hard to improve. I'm aching to start living again but I realize corona or no corona, I can't really live because I am too different I guess in a way corona gave me something to blame other than myself. "I'm living like a hermit because covid!" but really I am the problem