Okay, so I went to this SOS group last night. Survivors of Suicide. What follows was my first impression....I got there early because I went straight from work. When I walked in an elderly man and a not quite as elderly woman were sitting talking with one another. I asked if I was in the right place and the woman told me yes and asked me to sign in, told me that the chairs in a circle were where we are to be seated. These two went about having a very casual conversation away from the circle. About 10 minutes later, I'm sitting in this circle by myself, they are still engaged in there idle chit chat about how to use mapquest etc..and the gentleman brings up a conversation about what exactly is a psychiatic nurse and I quote, he says "I guess she's a regular RN, but switched over to the crazies." Well, unable to resist the temptation of this moment...I turned around and said, "Oh, I've been to a psychiatric nurse, she was able to diagnose me and prescribe medication. She was really quite good." His reply, "oh". I turned back around in my seat and sat there for another 10 minutes before they came over, introduced themselves and sat down in the circle. My thoughts at that point...well, nevermind that. So at exactly 6:00pm several people showed up much to my relief, because I didn't want to be the only one with these two rather inhospitable people. The woman introduces herself to the group, explains that she is a hospice counselor (the meeting was being held at a hospice center)and asks that we go around the circle introducing ourselves, who we know that committed suicide and how long ago. The elderly gentleman whom she was chatting it up with earlier, awkwardly still removing his foot from his mouth, introduces himself as a hospice counselor and while he doesn't know anyone who committed suicide, his wife died of cancer a few years ago?!?!??? And around the room we go. All of this my first impression.

The group proceeds and people begin to open up about the most heart wrenching experiences I've ever heard. One woman, 5 months pregnant...her husband killed himself this past Christmas Day! The couple to my right, had been raising their grandson as their own child...killed himself last month at the tender age of 17! Another woman showed about about 1/2 hour late shared that her son had committed suicide last year, but 2 weeks ago her niece killed herself with an accidental drug overdose!
These people KNEW my pain. Understood how overwhelmed with grief I felt. We all cried together, laughed together, shared memories. It was so touching, so moving and I think very healing. I didn't share very much at all, just listened intently, absorbed what was taking place around me and allowed the couple who'd just lost their grandson to do most of the talking and receive most of the counseling just because the reality of it all was still so shocking and raw for them. The female hospice counselor was really quite good. Knowledgeable about the effects of suicide on survivors, the importance of talking about it all to coax the healing process, understood that the outside world is very unreceptive to talking about suicide and the stigma that exists for those affected by it. She asked good questions and was very compassionate. The elderly gentleman just sat there the whole time.
I left with a whopper of a headache. Came home and went straight to bed. I was drained. I was exhausted. I had a little more peace than I had before the meeting. Today I'm still sad, I'm still depressed, I'm still overwhelmed. But I'm better than I was the day before and thats progress.

My final first impression...it's a good group. I'll keep going back at least for a while with an open mind, an open heart and a willingness to learn, grow and heal.

Thanks Em! Without you, I'd never have found this support group. You're an angel.

Penny