Dear T,

Writing my book. Reading through our old emails. Teenage One has been around for an awfully long time hasn't she, but she has been unable to do anything more than simply hover on the sidelines. In a way that makes me feel like we have achieved nothing of any significance in the last three years, but I also know how much life threw at me in that time. I also know how much I changed/grew/developed in that time. But still this massive 'THING' goes unresolved. It feels like very very little progress has been made here at all, and I don't really know what to make of that.

That said, I feel ready now, where I don't think I felt at all ready back then. I wanted to be, but the stars weren't aligned. Maybe they still aren't, with you gone and no stable therapeutic relationship within which to explore this 'THING'. But I feel ready.

I so dearly wished I was able to talk about these things with you. I so dearly wish you were here.

I love you and I miss you.

Me