I'm struggling intensely with sui thoughts/planning. I started packing in case PHP sends me IP tomorrow. It's just we have to rate our coping on a scale of 1-5 1 being handling life stressors fine and 5 being can't cope/need hospital I never know the difference between 4 (seriously overwhelmed, severe state) and 5 (you are going inpatient). I don't want to ever circle a five but I'm scared of myself and I don't think IP would help.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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