today will be the first day of the longest number of days of no contact in what feels like forever. I know when I first started seeing you, it was 1x week and no between session contact but a journal that I wrote to you every day and shared with you, then it was 2 x week, the journal, and contact when stressed/distressed, then it was 3 x a week and the journal fell to the side - email was more frequent, until it was daily on days I didn't see you. We moved to 4x a week M-Th and emails F-Sun. Now ... now changes in your life circumstances - 2 weeks no contact and when you return sessions M,T,F. You say I can reach out and we could maybe do a phone call over these 2 weeks and you say email is still allowed, but replies on W, Th won't be until evening.

I get that life happens. It's hard to hold onto that part that gets it. I feel betrayed - even though you never promised you would always be there. You always acknowledged that we don't know what the future holds.

And yeah, I was looking for you to say - yes you thought it would be helpful to schedule a phone call -- yes you thought it would be helpful in us keeping a connection. But you didn't. I don't recall exactly what you said. You left it for me to request, for me to reach out. So, when I am distressed I will. I just wish I'd stop looking at the email notifications in the hopes that it is from you.