I am scared and I want you but what would be the point of that because I can’t talk when i see you, it’s utterly utterly hopeless and anyway it’s 20 days isn’t it. I know it’s my own stupid fault for not being able to do remote sessions anymore but the pain of knowing that you’re ‘seeing’ all your other clients and not me this week, that you’re ‘here’ but you’re not….is severe. Of course I get it, adult me gets it, but other parts do not and I am afraid we’re on really dangerous ground. You being away and R being away feels like a perfect storm and I feel like I did in November and I don’t want that to happen again but I can’t bring myself to tell anyone outloud. Help.