We first talked about the email I had sent her last week. I explained how what I saw got me going and that I avoided my phone all weekend because of how freaked out and guilty I felt. Then I told her I had lessened doing that thing since I felt gross with myself. Then that led to other stuff which I’m ok talking about with her because we still are doing in person sessions so I have the privacy I can’t always get at my house. The session just annoyed me today. I’m not used to having therapy this late in the day after I’ve already taken my 3 Valium and it’s past the time I should be taking my other meds. I feel like I can come off as standoffish and guarded and like I have an attitude but I also feel like it’s not just me.

She told me she’s glad I transitioned to the water bottle. The other thing I use she says we need to work on. She asked if I use it every night. And I said I only use it when I crave it. I’m not sure why we need to work on it if it helps me and it isn’t hurting anyone. My transference T told me I should be using it when my anxiety gets high and not even just at night but whenever my anxiety gets rough. She was more experienced in autism then this one is though.

So I’m calming down a bit about the session after taking my usual meds that I had to take an hour later and I also feel better after eating a big snack. My next appointment is next Thursday at 1. Which isn’t as bad as the time today. But I have my ultrasound that day and I don’t know how I’ll be no matter if it’s before or after the session. I think it’s before though.

Edit: it’s after my session. My session is at 1 and the ultrasound is at 2:30. That will be a fun day. And in between those 2 appointments I have to drink 20oz of water and I can’t use the bathroom.