I went back to Walmart. They didn’t have it or if they did it sold out quickly. So I went to the other store I was at this morning and found 3 cases. So I took 2 and left one for someone else. I have no idea how many they got in but I was there around 9:30 this morning. So the Pepsi guys stocked the shelf’s sometime between 9:30 and 2:30 and I got 2 of the 3 that were there. I also got 3 20oz bottles. They had a few more of those then they did of the cases but not many. The stores where I live now don’t get the volume that my last state got.

But at least I finally found it and it’s pretty good. I didn’t have any calories for it but I really wanted to try it as soon as I found it. But I’ll fix udon noodles for dinner or have a turkey burger and be a bit over my personal calorie goal. But still under my Noom goal that they calculated and set up for me.

I cancelled my therapy session on the 9th. I didn’t feel like dealing with her and the anticipatory anxiety about my ultrasound that’s a few hours later. I didn’t feel like she would be of any help. I actually felt like she would make things worse. If the ultrasound had been before the appointment then I would have gladly gone to the session. But before with her wacko views on things is just too much for me to handle.

Someone told me one time that it’s good that I know what I can and can’t handle.

I think I actually need to be in therapy in order for insurance to keep covering my hormones. I know I need to be in therapy to get surgeries covered and I think to get my gender changed. I’m not sure if all that is true but I know my primary doctor wanted to be sure I had a therapist. And I guess I probably should be. But with the right one. Who has yet to come along.

I guess I miss my transference T just because of the support she’d give me. The unprofessional therapist and the current one don’t really do that. But she’s starting to get out of my mind because now it’s not her that I miss, it’s the support and the somewhat understanding and super accepting of me that I’m just not getting now.

I’m hoping 3rd times the charm with the one I’m being switched to.