So according to my pdoc I've been hypomanic for some 4-6 weeks now. But IF that's the case, I would call it hypomanic-lite. I've been super amped up, cleaning out and madly organizing my apartment for over a month now. When I had covered every square inch I could here, I moved on to my car. I've been super happy. I've been that incredibly stupid commercial. But the only important part is that I. still. cannot. sleep.

My hypomania's, which, when not caught in time, would turn into full-blown mania, used to consist of talking extremely fast, thinking I was the most brilliant person in the world, colors so stunning I could barely stand it, fabrics so sensuously soft and perfect, music so tearfully inspiring, can't sleep...until things would change, though not being able to sleep would remain.

But this, this is different. I don't think it's so obvious to other people. It's not nearly as intense. The only 'problem' actually associated with all this is not being able to sleep.

We tried more seroquel, but not only was that not working 100%, I stopped it and refused to take it again because I had finally had it with all the weight gain (I've lost 12 pounds since stopping it). Then Doxepin. No dice. Then Lunesta. No dice. Then more Lunesta. No dice. I've been in contact with my pdoc off and on throughout. Now, she says, I have to go back onto the seroquel, at least until I normalize my sleep (I actually slept well for 3 nights on the Lunesta until my work hours radically changed, and then I couldn't sleep again, even after increasing the Lunesta).

I dutifully took the seroquel last night because I'm so desperate. 50mg didn't do it, so I took another 25mg. I was finally able to sleep, but it took hours. It's Saturday and no big deal, but on a weeknight that would, again, be disastrous. I'm going to start with 75mg tonight and see how I do.

I've been taking whatever sleep med I'm on at the moment at about the same time every night. I really am trying to practice good sleep hygiene. It's just that nothing is bringing me down.

Pdoc said that since I'm on the maximum dose of Abilify we're going to have to revisit that (I'm seeing her on Tuesday). I've been on Abilify for so many years now and have been relatively stable. I'm terrified to change my AP. And if/once my sleep is normalized on the seroquel, I need her to find me another sleep med. I WON'T take it any more than emergently necessary, and I WON'T take a weight-gainer as my primary AP.

I hate this...