Don't be disappointed in yourself. Waking up at 5am, exercising etc.. All of those things are good. I like waking up really early to read etc, watch the sun rise. It's very nice. You had a good morning so far - Focus on that =]

You're not a failure. I relapse.. I get suicidal. But the less attachment we have to our thoughts, the better. We have to do things in a pleasant, balanced way. Some days are inevitably hard and we just have to say "****k.. whyy.." but then disconnect again and say "How do I fix this?" and make a strategic plan to fix the problem over time.. There is usually a 100% chance of failure along the way but the less relapses you have is more realistic than none at all.

<3