I came home, took phenibut, Dexedrine, smoked weed, took a benzo, more phenibut, more weed, an extra Dexedrine and then coffee..

I'm not posting this on the addictions forum cuz what is that? Stop drugs? Then why am I on meds? Don't I just want to be in my normal state of consciousness before I had this ****?

I can't take anything anymore. My cognition and memory is deteriorating. I don't know what is real - No one really does.

Surely there's people with mild schizophrenia where it doesn't progress into disability - Oh wait isn't that schizotypal personality disorder? The longer you stay in that neuroplasticity, the least likely you are to go insane. I'm sure that my dad has schizotypal PD. At a younger age, schizotypal PD is likelier than normal to develop full blown schizophrenia.

So all of these cracks I'm looking at through the matrix. And the only people that succeed in life and have a better quality of life - Wait what is that? Everyone gets diseases, people abuse and kill each other - Themselves. I was just a kid I didn't sign up for this. It's probably cuz I hit my head.

I'm having bad cabin fever. The whole ****ing world doesn't see what I see. I'm incredibly alone. It's all too real, funny and fake. It's horrifying.

But I'm ok. My family takes care of me.. They are real.