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Sep 07, 2021, 05:28 AM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Posts: 443
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whatever2013
I threw my cigarettes out, just like i knew i would. It's a filthy habit and very much an act of self-harm. I understand the appeal tho, when life is going too fast to cope with. So i have compassion for smokers but am glad not to be one, at least not on a regular basis, just every twelve years or so for about ten cigarettes until i come to my senses.
Brushing my teeth like mad today and squirting up with Biotene to refresh my tongue which took the brunt of the smoking (didn't inhale). Can't find my mouthwash and the store doesn't have any so it's the best i can do with it being a holiday here. Don't feel well enough to go out anyways. Have to get pop so it's either risk the IRL grocery store tomorrow or order online for the first time since Winter.
Back playing Scrabble after about eight months, about 15 games between yesterday and today, quite a lot actually, as i am bored but too restless to relax. Having good games, a 500+ game and a big play called a 3X3 for 140, my win-rate is over 90%, NICE!!!
Messaged my Scrabble pal about my big 3X3 as these plays are rare but the play was DANGERER and she said, "Ooh, you're DANGEROUS!" which makes me uneasy because sometimes people say they are scared of me.
I don't like to think i'm a frightening person, but my Scrabble pal probably meant it innocently, was just making a play-on-words. I don't think SHE is actually afraid of me, except maybe as a Scrabble opponent as i win the majority of our games and am rated higher.
So, i still feel somewhat of a wreck from the messy benzo taper but recovering. Will be glad when i can put this behind me and start withdrawing from Risperdal. I'll have to get my doctor to agree to a permanent dose of 2mg Valium first.
He might not like that.
My last doctor didn't because he said Valium leaves behind "metabolites," chemical garbage, from what i understand and he was happier to have me on 1mg Clonazepam than 2mg Valium which doesn't make sense to me. I'm going to advocate for myself more vigorously with this new doctor and i think i can persuade him.
Will take some time off med changes tho until i fully even-out. Whoosh, that was scary with all the hysteria and fear and drinking and smoking.
Note to all: Stay in school and don't EVER take benzos, at least, not steadily for more than two weeks!!!
Be smart!!!!!
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Your new colour is really hard to read
Edit: never mind you changed it 
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