Today is hard to describe, I started out in a weird space, to a better one, back down, even lower – and not it’s mellowing out some. I don’t like it when my emotions take dips like that unexpectedly. Nothing has really happened but my whole day has been colored by negative pervasive thoughts and overwhelming amount of stress in doing everyday things (like driving) or even interactions with people have seemed abrasive and off. I feel almost paranoid the world knows I’m struggling today and are judging me. I won’t harp on the negative, I need to at least cherish the moments that weren’t so bad today. It’s been a weird day, the bad have definitely weighed heavy today… But I did do a few things today that I think were helpful:

1)I got my hair cut, and after a quick wash and combing I think I’m gonna be ok with it. I like it better now. Like everyone said, it’ll take a little bit of time to really get used to it and make it “my own” but it’ll be alright.

2)I went walking, which was nice until I had to run 5-6 errands all at once unexpectedly, but otherwise enjoyable.

3) I spent some time outside of my house – which is a big step, even if it was for errands and not that enjoyable. I gotta put that into the “positive column” due to the fact it means I’m getting crap done.

4) I’ve done a good job today about taking things in stride – lots of roadblocks and emotional issues reared their head today, but I have yet to fully succumb to the emotions, so that’s good. Being at home doesn’t make it much easier though.

5) I cleaned up a little bit around the house.

They are steps in the right directions. I don’t want to talk about the bad things here – I did some impulsive things today too, but no harm done. I hope tomorrow is a bit brighter and a little less heavy than today.

Now, I’m gonna eat my dark chocolate Ghiradelli square and relax, read the forum, watch TV, and maybe listen to some music. I took Udemy off the table for today (or language study) but maybe tonight when I’m up at 3am and nothing else to do :P We’ll see.