I wish I could talk to you properly. Do you want to talk to me? I don't feel ready to leave or bring my baby yet though. He is beautiful.

I hate to say it but I'm struggling with the birth experience I had. I can forget for a bit but then the pain or memory comes back and I don't know what to do with it. Perinatal mental health have been in touch with me but they don't seem bothered, I can't talk openly to them.

I tried asking M for details of what happened, but I think he was too tired to take anything in by that point. It's like he was at a different birth.