I put myself in a situation where I have too many choices. I spent 5 whole years living this way after being "under a rock" with no choice but to do slave labour all day in isolation.

I went mad.. with the information.. I grabbed every idea of the world and took a little of it all in.. Now there's too many options - Which is freeing in a way..

That's why I need to keep a good balance of mental health therapy. Last night I realized that I can possibly go psychotic if I don't be careful.

Things will be ok.. I took Dexedrine and smoked sativa. I have responsibilities now etc.. I want my mom to have enough money to not work - Not just me.. I have to make a strategic plan.. For all plans. Problem can be that I like to do nothing and just think (But I don't have that luxury anymore) - I spent it on drug experimentation and not doing anything about the way that I was feeling - I trusted psychiatry but all my treatment team did was focus on symptoms and not my actual life!

I am older and wiser now though.. I have to learn from these mistakes and move on.. But the world + Pandemic screwed everything up. We are grieving what is lost but people like me are also drawn into by conspiracies and see the illuminati's plans.. Studying crypto I can do, meditation/spirituality, understanding my brain in a neuroscience way + I want to play guitar. My dad gave me his 10k dollar guitar but I don't play it. I'm all over the place.

I don't want to go to school anymore because of the pandemic. I have to figure out things myself. I just need to relax. I'll go on vacation to visit family as I've said and then when I come back, I'll try and sort things out =/