Dear Bamboo7667,

Welcome to the Forums. It is very nice to meet you.

I am very, very sorry that you are struggling. I wish I knew what to say that would be helpful to you. The human brain is so mysterious and so are what attracts it, even sexually. I think your therapist would be able to help you understand yourself better and would be able to comfort and encourage you if you felt comfortable talking about the issues you raise in your post, but I can completely understand your not wanting to reveal everything about yourself.

Hopefully these Forums will be helpful to you. The people I have met here are kindhearted, compassionate and understanding. We all have things we struggle with and although every person is unique, I think there is no one better to understand a person struggling than another person who is struggling.

Like I mentioned before, the human brain is so mysterious. It generates a never ending stream of thoughts and feelings, attitudes, moods and other content. Sometimes the content it pours into our minds surprises us. We can ask: "Why did that thought pop into my mind?" "Why do I feel this way instead of that way?" We can sometimes be pulled in opposite directions and feel conflicted.

I think it is important to have compassion for our brains. Sadly I don't really know what to say to ease your distress. Even if I did, my English is not good enough for me to be able to express myself as I would like. Hopefully others here will have better words for you than my poor words!

I do want to wish you the very best here on the Forums and in your continuing life journey.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen