LOL bebop!!!!!!!!!!!!! So glad you didn't follow up on your "fantasies", no man is worth forfeiting your freedom (although marriage can sometimes feel like a prison! )

And in all seriousness, you've kind of hit the nail on the head...not only do I still love him, I alternate looking at him with such frustration and anger for what he's done, and wanting to melt into his arms. He is the one person on this planet who knows absolutely everything about me, good and bad, and still says he loves me! I just wish his actions were equal to his words, but he would have to change alot of things (the way he thinks about marriage, learning to be a team, being "transparent", learning to communicate, being selfless, sensitive, etc. etc.) to make that happen. And then of course there is the trust issue...not so easy to get passed, especially for someone like me who has never really trusted men her entire life.

I am not afraid to be alone, and it's always been easier for me to walk away. This time however, it's not just me I have to think about, we have two and an "almost here" kids that I have to consider as well.

Can a man who is as damaged as he is, who hasn't lived honestly his whole life, really change? As I've said, I'm tired of getting hurt and disappointed when I let myself hope.