I had my individual therapy session today with the IOP therapist. She made me do a self harm contract. No big deal. I've done them before. But then....here's the twist....if it gets to the point where I think I'm going to act on it, I have to turn over my blade to my parents. WTH!!! This is my security blanket. I don't want to get rid of it. I signed the stupid thing anyway but I'll have a hard time actually doing that one. She doesn't know what she is asking. Of course it will be impossible to harm myself if I don't have my blade. But then I'll just have to buy another one! ARGH. It was super intense session today. IDK why. I don't even remember what all we talked about. Just that it was a lot! How Self harm is a way of expressing distress. We talked about my hospitalization too. That sucked. I feel sort of disregulated at the moment.