I’m not happy. But I’ve been distracted and I’m currently not S. I have an email into my therapist just telling her what I want to discuss on Monday so I don’t forget. I’m getting such bad memory loss from what I assume is long term benzo use. I’ve been on them nonstop for 3 years now. often I have trouble remembering what happened the day before. I thought September 11th was on the 20th for some reason. But it’s the 20th anniversary. But I was super confused about why they were talking about it so much these last few days. I haven’t heard back from my T but she’s probably with a client or has already left for the day. She responds to everything if she’s working.

My dentist mentioned some possible neurological thing and why it’s only affecting my right side. The teeth stuff. But he specializes in TMJ and my sister and my brother both have it. So he thinks it’s just that. I’ve been worried about neurological issues before based on the symptoms I’ve been having and ignoring. I’ve had memory loss and my right foot moves nonstop and I do that pill rolling thing with my left hand whenever that hand is free. This was the first time it’s been suggested by someone that my stuff could possibly be neurological.

I apologized to my mom through text. She accepted my apology but hasn’t talked to me since the incident in the car.

My 4 out of 6 boxes of tea came today. They came from Russia and I ordered them on the 8th of August. But I knew since ordering this tea before that it takes a long time to get here. The tea was in great shape. Still in the plastic wrap. The guy even threw in some kind of Russian chocolate bar. Which was cool.

But yeah I’m pretty depressed about what happened today. I listened to one 2 hour and something podcast. Then I finished a season of a show I started awhile ago. Since before I moved. Then I went back to the podcast. I’ve been up since 2:26 this morning and I’ve already taken my melatonin and I took an extra Valium but I’m just waiting for a bit until I take my Geodon. Then hopefully I’ll fall asleep soon.

But yeah overall I feel down in the dumps as I most certainly should be.