My Support Forums - View Single Post - My friends are ignoring me for no apparent reason. What should I do?

nonightowl · 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesyka

How they're acting doesn't sit right with me either. I have always had a very hard time making friends no matter what, so I tend to hold on to friendships that aren't always good for me. Even though I'm introverted, I still don't want to end up alone with no friends. If I had more options, I would've ditched them a long time ago! Ugh!

I've related to so much of what you said, esp. this post. I've been struggling whether it's better to have no friends than mediocre or "fair weather" friends. Esp. during these times when we need friends more than ever. Life is hard enough without COVID, but now it's dragged on and on.

I have one "friend" who won't reach out to me first due to her illness. I don't know about Lyme disease, but I don't see what it has to do with why she can't reach out at least once in awhile. All of 2020 I heard nothing from her, and it wasn't until I reached out that communication resumed. Still, one sided. She won't share her life with me or let me be supportive to HER. She WILL answer my questions about her life or herself, but it gets exhausting to keep doing this. I feel like I give more than I receive, not with just her but everyone.

If I had just 5 genuine friends, I'd drop her. But she's had a lot of experience moving, so I'm picking her brains on that. Yeah that's not nice but is it nice to insist that I be the one to initiate contact?

Your story about the two woman resonated with me. Back in July, J suggested and she, M, and I get together for lunch. (I use initials since it's easier than saying this woman and the other woman, LOL) After 2 cancellations from both of them, finally got together. J said it would be something to look forward to.

But I didn't enjoy it much. Not only could we not go inside this restaurant as hoped (it was the same week they reinstated masks indoors but didn't say if indoor dining was still allowed). We ended up going to a fast food place. And J was sitting next to me and across from M. Yet J acted like I wasn't even THERE. It could have been just the two of them; I wouldn't have been missing much.

J can never talk on the phone literally more than a minute. That's not a real conversation. I tried sending her a text but she doesn't respond. She gets these cheap phones from Rite Aid which don't work long or right. You can't leave a message or it won't even ring. Then she gets a new number every 2 months or so. I haven't talked to her since July during lunch, cause calling her it goes to vm.

These two women are more like close acquaintances than friends, as neither of them are people I think of when I need to talk to someone, confide in someone or need support. M always says stuff like "You should ______" or "Why don't you just _______?" That's not support.

I asked her can she recommend a tax advisor. I said I'll have to withdraw from my measly retirement early since I'm running out of money. She said "I guess you better if you're running out of money." NOT "OH! Can I help?"

She gave me the name of the person she uses, who didn't call me back.
M told the advisor's assistant, who finally gave me an answer. But I had to tell M first. I also tried calling the assistant again to see if she can recommend someone if they can't take on new clients. She didn't call me back.

And J is so bossy, telling me "Do ______" without even listening to me first.

Years ago I had a friend, V, that I met at work. For a few years things were great, then she disappeared so to speak. 5 years later out of the blue, she calls and acts like nothing happened. As if we talked just 2 months ago rather than years. I told her how I felt and for a few more years we were back on track. At one time we were both unemployed, but when she got a job I heard from her less and less.

She'd ignore my vm or email, finally saying she's "just been busy". I haven't spoken to her since, that was in 2014. I never said get lost; I decided she wasn't even worth that effort. I gave her that second chance and regret it, as I just got hurt again. If she was really my friend, she'd MAKE time. Or at least say it's been crazy and we'll catch up soon. And FOLLOW UP.

Since my experience with V, I've been less trusting of people. I'm trying to expect less to spare some disappointment. I've never missed V; good riddance. I did a HUGE favor for her, and in hindsight I'm sure she only "reconnected" cause she wanted something from me. I was there for her, then she drops me claiming she's "busy".

I've found it harder and harder to make friends as I've gotten older. It's an ongoing mission and very tiring.

J & M used to call me at beginning of COVID, as they both know I live alone, have no family, no neighbors who check on me, and no pets. Then, the calls tapered off and I had to call THEM to keep things going.

Another "friend", B, is someone I thought I connected with, but again the one sided crap. Back in July she called a mutual acquaintance, C, but never called ME. Last time B called, it was in April! (2021) I called her since, but not the other way around. Finally last week I called her to clear the air. I asked are we still friends and why did she call C but not me?? She gave me some kind of BS answer. I pretty much read her the Riot Act and she was contrite, yet I still doubt her. After all that she started calling daily or asking me what time to call.

I said we don't have to talk each week, but middle of the spectrum between daily and 5 months would be good.

All that just to get a phone call from her.

What's interesting about all this to me is that I don't even MISS talking to J, M, or B. That's a red flag there, as if there was a connection, you miss it and feel it.

C has never shown interest in ME as a person even. Like what do I LIKE to eat? To read? What did I DO when I had a career? Just talks about herself. Then she keeps asking me, "Have you talked to B lately? How is she doing?"

Yet not asking me how I'M DOING and REALLY wanting to hear the honest answer, not the trite "Good" we do in our culture.

A couple of women volunteers give me a friendly call each week. They are with a non-profit that created a special COVID program to help seniors with isolation. And I enjoy talking to these women way more than my "friends". They are objective and supportive. I don't mind being a volunteer assignment.

If that's what it takes to get a freaking phone call, so be it.

Gosh I didn't realize how long this is, but it's been bottled up in me for so long. COVID maybe brought up their true colors? I know this pandemic has messed with everyone's heads, but why can't they just say they've been out of sorts or down in the dumps? Instead of just not calling or responding? It's hurtful and rude. I wouldn't do that to them.

A few years ago I went to a support group and reached out to 2 members I seemed to click with. But neither woman would call ME, I called them but stopped when realized they aren't as receptive as I thought they'd be.

In a grief group once, I did the same thing. It takes so much courage! I exchanged a few texts with both women, then they both stopped responding.

I called a lady I knew at the library a few times, but she never called me when I said, "Give me a call sometime."

I thought I'd check PC and see if it's just me. I'm glad it's not yet sorry it happens to you too.