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Anonymous40506
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Trig Sep 12, 2021 at 10:05 AM
 
Well, I've made it to 55. I'm a year older than my father when he died. I have worried about living this long for a decade or more, but here I am. Take that universe!

Five weeks ago, I went to see the doctor because I had gotten into a pretty dark state, both mentally and somewhat physically. The physical issue has subsided as the doctor suggested it would with time. He also prescribed Prozac for the overwhelming anxiety I was feeling. I took 20mg for 2 weeks and then 40mg for the last 3.

The strange thing is, I'm even more ready now for it all to be over. Not necessarily more suicidal, just much less interested in the future. Any future. I'm just ready, even looking forward to it being over. And weirdly, I'm not even sad or disappointed. I'm not happy about it, as I don't "want" to die, I just don't have the energy or zest required to keep going.

I know the correct answer is to give the meds more time and maybe even adjust them. So, I will do that for a little while longer. As I said I'm not any more suicidal than I have been, just more resigned to the end.

Anyway, I made it and now I'm ready to stop.
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