I’ve felt kind of anxious this morning. I just took my second Valium and I ate some zucchini thinking fresh vegetables would help my anxiety. I feel somewhat better. I haven’t done anything to distract myself today. I went and got the new Mountain Dew. It’s pretty good. One of the better flavors that is out. But apple flavored stuff is the worst for my anxiety. It’s worse then coffee. I had to give up apple juice completely a few years ago. Then I had a mug of instant apple cider the other night when I took those 6 Valium’s. I’m not sure why apple stuff causes such intense anxiety. But if you Google it it does say apple juice is bad for anxiety. But that Mountain Dew was good.

Today I’m just hanging out and on and trying not to worry about what is probably going to come up next week. The call about my insurance regarding the surgery. I have therapy tomorrow and I do legit need to see her and I am looking forward to it. I have all the stuff from this past week to discuss with her. I do not plan on taking a Valium. My appointment is at 10 and I feel like I’ll be able to wait. I get so zoned out when I take a Valium and I want to focus tomorrow and be productive.

But I’m still glad I cancelled last Thursday and I would have needed to cancel anyways since my ultrasound was moved to when our session would have taken place. I know she won’t be much of a help but it will be nice to voice my concerns and vent to someone.

But last night I took one melatonin early. Then I waited as long as I possibly could before taking my 180mil Geodon. And then I fell asleep pretty fast. That particular Saturday of the month is usually the worst night for me.

Edit: I feel better now. I’m not sure if it was the Valium or the zucchini. My sister and her family are coming over for dinner I found out, so I took a shower and changed my clothes for the first time in 2 days. I found a cool new podcast to listen to. It’s called internet urban legends and that kind of stuff is right up my alley. So I’m sure discovering that has majorly distracted me from what’s going on.