Dear Old T,

I would so love to hear from you right about now. I am getting to the point where I would really really like to find the right person and space to move forward with everything. While the temp T I am seeing is ok, I'm not convinced that she is the right person for me long term, and the space definitely isn't right. Already I feel squished in and trapped, and we haven't even got to any of the work yet.

I was due to be seeing another lady on Tuesday, but when I emailed to confirm I told her that I was seeing someone to help me with through things with Ex T, but that I was still looking for someone long term, sh said she couldn't ethically offer me counselling while I was already seeing someone, so was going to 'close our counselling'. I'd only seen her once, I wouldn't call us having counselling already!!!

Wow. Sometimes I do think these ethics are screwed up. Did she want me to lie to her? Not a great basis for therapy. Or did she want me to not have got support in the three weeks she was unable to see me for? Or did she want me to just ditch someone that was actually kind of helping me work through things in one area? I don't know. I look at it as fate... Obviously not meant to be, but I could really use something concrete right about now.

I'm drawing a picture at the moment. It's a skeleton being tangled and overcome by an octopus deep underwater.

That's how I feel right now.