(((IxCANTxBREATH)))

I just want to know I read your post and care about your feelings.

I feel Perna has written a good reply.

I remember being your age and feeling sort of 'frozen' emotionally.
You are in touch with your feelings, which is better, for sure.

About the friend confusion, that might stem from feeling possessive.
That is natural. Further down the road, your circle of friends will widen, and that need for an exclusive friendship will lessen because you will have access to many more people who you will enjoy lots of different things in common.

Your exclusive relationships in the future will probably be your major one(s), possibly your spouse, and children. Here, possessiveness will appear again, but in a more protective, cherished, loyal and loving way.

See, you have much to look forward to - lots of things to experience yet - and every bit of it that will be wonderful, will be worth what you go through now to become what you need to be to have and hold everything that awaits you.

Do you know what I am trying to say?

peace and love,
nightbird