Posting is hard.
I struggle with integrating various aspects of myself.
Message boards encourage me to stay fragmented.
Post a little of myself over here...
Post a little of myself over there...
And never the twain shall meet.
The professional and patient aspects, most notably.
But integrating those is what I most need to move on.
And here is not the place...
And there is not the place...
And there isn't really a place for me - for ALL of me,
And there it is.

I think that sometimes people get scared to look at various things.
They think that if things turn out one way, then all is okay.
But if things turn out the other way, then all is not okay.
People don't see a way to synthesize the thesis and antithesis
So they do what they can to shut the thesis and antithesis down.

Out of fear.

But to avoid the issue, to avert ones gaze, is to continue to live in fear.
There is a lot of fear of integration (failing to see a way to synthesize) methinks.
I know this has been a major painful and disruptive force in my life.
When someone points out a synthesis I didn't see...
Now that is insightful.
But hard, so hard, so hard...
And here or there isn't the place.

And so it is time for me to move on.
For my own mental health.
For my own professional health.
I am confident there is a way to integrate.
But I'm sure the answer isn't to be found
Here
or
There
And there it is.