I love my therapist, quite simply.
I'm thinking to myself 'I wonder if he has a younger brother?'
You know, someone just like him
Who isn't my therapist...
Who isn't married...
Etc etc etc.

I quite simply love my therapist.

I'm sure part of it is transference.
The unique place he has in my life.
I share some of the things I'm most vulnerable about
And the more vulnerable I am...
The more sensitive and attuned and tender he becomes.
Who wouldn't fall for that?
I'm sure part of it transcends transference.
The ethical human being that he is.
He sees me for a low fee because I can't afford anymore.
He sees me at a strange time because it is hard for me to make a time.
He cares about world peace (google tells me so).
In many respects he is a deeply ethical human being.

For me, boundaries slide in therapy.
I'm like Dinah, I'm exquisitly sensitive to his tone and his presence.
I would never be able to work with a person who wasn't psychologically healthy.
I've tried with many, but that never worked out for me.
I think they could do very fine work with other people,
But not with me. Not with me.
My therapist was distracted today.
I saw his previous patient and she was flustered when she left.
Must have been an intense session.
And then there was me.
And he smirked at me, I swear, he did.
Then he moved positions and put his hand over his mouth to mask it.
And I commented. That he had shifted. That he had smiled.
And he said he wasn't aware of it...

And I realized that whether he smiled or not was besides the point.
What mattered was that I interpreted a smile and that that made it important to me...
And part of me found it amusing...
And wanted me to lighten up.
And maybe it was him and maybe it was me
And the boundaries merge for me.

So I need him to keep them distinct.

I need a person who has good boundaries.

And not many people do.

I need a person who is secure enough in themselves not to take my comments and / or my acting out personally.

And not many people can do that.

Not many people who are psychologically healthy
Not many people who aren't
And there it is.

And there it is.