I keep trying to do this forum and then panic and run off.

But I'm not getting the support and love I need from friends and family, so I don't know where else to turn. I'm really struggling with depression and have been for I don't know how many months. It seems like the manic aspect of my bipolar condition disappeared and I'm just depressed. A lot. I was doing better but I keep falling back into it. I see a counselor next month, finally. I still haven't found a psych doctor and I probably really need an anti-depressant.

I also have PTSD and was referred to trauma therapy. I'm trying a lot of different stuff. Like healing through yoga, exercise, trying to get into hobbies though I'm not very inspired or motivated. I'm slowly putting together a new business that I am excited about. But most of my life is just shambles. And no matter how hard I try to be positive and like my old sunshine self, it just...it just doesn't seem to last. It's like I've turned into a completely different person and I don't know how to get my old self back or if I even can. I've been so introverted and quiet, friends have stopped speaking to me. They know I'm struggling but they just ignore me. I'm trying to learn how to support and take care of myself emotionally so I will feel better about the fact I don't have many people to lean on. I miss having friends. I feel very, very isolated and alone. I feel like no one even cares about me. Which just amplifies the feeling that I'm unworthy, not enough, unlovable, and really irrelevant.

I apologize for babbling so much. It's just been really hard.