Welcome, cinnamonsun! We're glad you joined us here. I think you will find this a nice place for support from people who understand most (or all) of what you're going through.

I understand how depression feels never-ending. What's worse is that time often seems to slow down, during depression. And oh, how the brain forgets the happier times, when depressed. But those times did exist and will exist again. Having to be patient sucks, though.

It is horrible how isolating bipolar disorder can be. I know that depression can feel most isolating. At least my brain, during depression, seems to exaggerate such feelings. But you are far from alone in friends/family stepping away when you're depressed. I'm going to tell you that it is not because of YOU that they are distancing themselves. It's because of your BIPOLAR ILLNESS. If only that wasn't often so, but it is. Don't let that further depress you. Allowing it to do so only makes the bipolar depression score extra points.

I remember thinking how sad it was when I was having multiple psych hospitalizations that no workmates and very few friends and family members called or visited. My father, when told by my husband that I was in the psych hospital, responded "Well, tell her to give me a call when she gets out and feels better." Um, ouch! But no, that didn't mean my father didn't/doesn't love me. At least for him, I think a psych hospitalization made him feel more uncomfortable than if I was in a hospital for something "more physical".

I bet your coping tools are helping more than you might realize. Please keep them up and try some other things, too.