Hugs, Summer. I understand the vulnerable feeling. I hope your T is understanding and helpful when you talk to him tomorrow. Do you think last night was part of a manic episode as well, or more that you were drunk (or do you maybe drink more during manic episodes)? Be prepared for him to maybe want to talk to you about your drinking, if he hasn't already.

So, this is a different sort of thing, but is tied to feeling vulnerable regarding one's T. There was a situation earlier this year where I'd gotten drunk (while by myself) and started feeling really awful about myself and was in a bad place. So I reached out to my T (it was still pretty early, like 8:30), and he was able to do a Zoom session with me.

I sent him a thank-you email after. But it didn't fully occur to me until just before the next session that he'd seen me drunk, and I suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable. Like maybe he would admit he was disgusted by me or horrified that I'd also had part of a beer while talking to him that evening. But he was very supportive and caring (though we did discuss my drinking). I felt awkward and a bit ashamed when he said he could tell that I was drunk by how I was speaking (and mentioned the beer I had a few sips of) and that I'd seemed to sober up by the end of the session.

It all worked out to be OK though. In a weird way, I think it helped the therapy some that he saw me that vulnerable and (as he put it) "emotionally fragile." I'd cried in session before, but not like that. So maybe he understands better how my emotions can just crash at times.

Again, I know your situation is different, but it's also possible that it could help to open up some important dialogue between you. I just hope for your sake that your T will stay relatively boundaried and appropriate about it (even though I understand how part of you may not want him to).