Reality is complicated for me I just want contentedness.. But all philosophies.. Plague me.. I get excited about things.. stimulants.. but I want peace too. I want it all.. No drugs!! And then.. I go on my way after the mush trip, have what I need - But emptiness it's all empty in a way - All people deal with it..
So you strive and continue to live.. Just keep going through time and space.. Ground yourself, be a robot and process paper work
I've changed
I like how it was.. I was manic
Now it's all confusion and then the virus or w/e that was released from the lab
I don't have a good memory anymore.. Parts of my brain has made up for others.. Just panic.. Dissociative panic attacks few times a week in 2020
I'm grateful that they are gone but I want it better than this
I have no concentration + FOMO for crypto coins.. Better get a good understanding of things - But the ADHD too.. Constant under stimulation. I write things down, I try to meditate... A break would be nice - I don't know if I care about what is real.. Nothing is real
You're either on autopilot or getting transmissions from other dimensions
What is more interesting.. What is real - Or the unknown.. Some place where no one has been
But that too is lonely.. You need both. A good balance - I try.. But my consciousness is filled with all of subjective reality. Before I used to just sleep - Dreaming..
And I get criticized for sleeping all of that time
So when I step out, it's like walking into a meat grinder or war zone
There's horrible things that people ignore.. I manage to get away from it all or else I would be too ****ed up - But it's where we all go... We go everywhere.. Complete the circle. Maybe I need to ground this one reality - What happens when we die the big question.. I research conspiracies too.. But no one believes in them. Everyone is brainwashed so I give up. Any direction is a dead end.