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DavidStrong said:
As a socially anxious person, I often go to craigslist personals if I'm interested in making contact with a woman. It's fairly easy and is low risk. I've done this before, and dated a women I met there for some time.
So I posted recently and have been communicating with this women. I have not met her, but she seems interesting. Someone whom I would like to meet at least. However, she is quite a bit more attractive that myself. It really worries me. I'm short and at best, average looking. Inside, and in my actions, I've always believed in myself. But I have always loathed this shell I'm trapped in. I suffered a lot because of it growing up.
Ugh, so this obviously bothers me a lot. It's hard, especially when you are short. I often equate it to breast size. There's nothing they can do about it, and yet it's going to be something that men judge them on. ...perhaps that's why I've always liked small-chested women...
Often women say stuff like, "looks aren't important to me." However, research on attraction has demonstrated, as common sense suggests, that physical attractiveness often is the only thing that predicts willingness future contact Hatfield, Aronson, Abrahams, & Rottman; 1966).
So what to do about it? How can you get the insides out, yet keep the outsides from getting in the way?
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Have you only seen one picture of her? Women tend to post only pictures which show them at their absolute finest—she may have many other photos which would make you feel differently (maybe ask her to send you some more photos to get to know her better—there may be some unflattering ones in the bunch that make you feel less intimidated.)
(I agree with what you said about women's statements that looks don't matter being disingenuous btw, but I also think that when women "judge" a man's appearance they're not just doing it in terms of physical attractiveness like we do but they're also looking for "markers", i.e. does the man look successful, confident, serious, intelligent, funny, etc., so they're not equating outward appearance and physical attractiveness as much as men.)
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