I am so sorry that you lost your baby.

Do you have a therapist? I think if you don't it would be a good idea to talk to someone who can help you work through some of this pain. I did a grief class through my church (Griefshare, it's available at a lot of churches and hospices. It's great but does have some Christian components. They say it is fine for non-Christians but I just like to give warning). One of the things they talked about was grieving hitting really hard after a lot of time has passed and that you can get help with this.

Again, I'm just so sorry for your horrrble loss.