UGH. After dealing with some hallucinations, I relapsed last night. I told my case manager R who is pretty stern about it but thanked me for my honesty. If I SH again I have to sign some sort of re-commitment contract for the IOP. Not sure what that is but I don't want to know so I can't relapse again while in this program. Then this morning I took a chance and emailed the T...J to let her know and to apologize for breaking our contract. R is going to let her know but I wanted to be the one to tell her. She thanked me for my honesty and said that my safety is number one concern and to contact her or R if I SH again before Friday but otherwise we'll talk about it on Friday. So far my insurance has only approved 10 days. R said this is common and he has to keep asking for more. I hope he can get more because 10 days is only 3 more meetings. I think I need more than that. Stupid insurance. I'm mad at them. I'm mad at myself. I really didn't want to come to work today but I needed to get some things done at work and I'm glad I did come in so that way I am not ruminating the whole day. I haven't told my parents (yet) so that'll be interesting. I did tell two of my support peeps and they were really supportive and stuff like that. UGH. so many mixed up emotions. But I am trying not to judge the emotions. That wouldn't be good. And I have some homework to do before I see the T that way I have "worked on" it. She didn't assign it but I got the idea from one of the classes.