I was kinda *****y in a sort of aggressive yet kind of assertive way to my therapist through email. I just said “so I’m not going to get any support before my surgery and I’m on my own? Jeeze talk about client abandonment.” I don’t know. Maybe that was just being aggressive. But she responded almost immediately and she said she usually gets 2-3 cancellations a week that she is aware of at the start of the week. So she most likely will have a cancellation. She said if she doesn’t get a cancellation then she’ll come in an hour early to do a session so I can feel supported. She says she’s sorry I feel abandoned but these meetings are mandatory.

So I don’t know what happened. She’s pretty shady but I think I was also being pretty rude to her. But sometimes you just have to be loud. At this point I don’t even care if she likes me or not. I just don’t want to be on my own for 3 weeks at a time like this. And I do not appreciate mental health people being unprofessional.

PMDD is the worst and I hope it’s permanently over for me soon.

I’ve been feeling like my heart is going to stop all morning. I took a couple Valium 45 minutes ago and I walked to the gas station thinking a walk would make me feel better. It helped with my anxiety but my heart still feels like it’s going to explode. I didn’t take any extra Geodon or anything. So it shouldn’t be an actual issue I think it’s just crappy med resistant anxiety.