Dear newme2022,
Welcome to the Forums. It is very nice to meet you.
I am so very sorry you are suffering. I wish I knew what to say that would be helpful. Sadly my English is not very good. These Forums have helped me a lot with my own personal struggles, pain and grief. I hope this site will be helpful to you too. My apologies to you for not knowing how to be helpful. I want to wish you only the very best!
Sincerely yours, Yao Wen