I've been on the 10mg of olanzepine every evening for over a year now.. Only now I'm starting to have no symptoms of dissociation a few hours after I miss the dose. So I'll stay on antipsychotics for a few years - They don't seem to be doing much damage. The stimulant really helps with the side effects.

I feel good tonight. A night of euphoria again which is rare lately. I hope that this continues.

I had a talk with my mom about conspiracies and such - I can't shake the feeling that it's all about control etc but talking to her helped because she's really smart, wise and aware.

My dad will come to visit this month which makes me happy. He's like a shaman to me. Then I'll visit my family next month.

I should stop dwelling on really 'out there' thoughts and ideas and just relax. I should live in a way where I accept the opposite of what I'm moderately paranoid about - Which is hard but I can do it.

I've learned so much these past 5 years and have grown so much as a person.. I have a good amount of insight into multiple different things. I am thinking of learning about cryptography more until I know what I want to do - Cuz it's unrealistic to just focus on one thing all of the time.

As long as my symptoms are controlled like they are now and that I feel like myself, I'll be ok =] Gotta live in the moment without worrying too much about the future and dwelling on the past or having regret.