Hi, I'm new. I hope it's okay to just jump in this thread

I'm stuck in the "my life is crap and I'm trapped in it" trying to focus on accepting what I cannot change and find the good in my life - and it's really tough.

I want to run away, just abandon my demanding husband and cat, but I love them both so much and I know they would suffer without my care. But I can't help but feel like my depression would lift if I could just be responsible for only myself. But I would be too consumed with guilt to enjoy my new life. So, while it's my decision to stay, it's not an easy one. So I struggle a lot with SI because then I would be free of this life and I would not suffer the shame and guilt of wanting to be free. *sigh*

And who's to say I wouldn't struggle with depression if I was on my own, so you know, damned if I do, damned if I don't

I have some good days, but many bad ones. I escape a lot with binge watching and food. I do positive constructive things too, but they're all things I do alone.

Looking for connection and limited financially and with poor mental health...I do my best to stay hopeful and positive, but it's tough.

sorry for the rambling post ...I hope some of it made sense, I'm not used to talking about myself and I'm probably not very good at explaining my situation.

Thank you to anyone who as read this