I lied down for a while. Then my dad was on facetime with my mom. They argued a bit. My mom told him that I'm not doing well - I said that I don't know what to say. He mentioned something that made my mom cry.

I told her not to lecture him because he'll use that to make fun of her - But she said that she has to do that because it gets him off of his pedestal and he becomes the man she fell in love with etc..

I told them both that I feel like this whole thing is a hallucination and that this isn't real. I'm just completely exhausted.

I told my mom that I took an extra Vyvanse because I needed to focus. When I was going to meditate/search crypto today, I got a knock on the door from maintenance to help fix the cable box. My mom then got drunk with her friend and phoned customer service and it just made me want to die.

I was talking to my mom about life things and that I didn't think that my high school was worthy enough to be accepted by post secondary education. I now know that that it's true. I just had very little common sense. Like how I visited where I used to live last year in the middle of no where and a woman laughed at me because I seemed to not want to talk or smile. I wondered "Why are people so happy and social" over there.

But yeah w/e.. I'm just so ****ing exhausted. I feel incredibly burnt out. My dad is going to pick me up in a few days and we'll go do something. I don't really want to visit that conspiracy theorist friend of his... I'm too tired for this nonsense.

I get a good amount of motivation and inspiration most of the time lately but when I'm down, I'm really really down and think of it all as meaningless - All of my progress and don't want to live.

I'll try and stick it out..