I have avoided this thread lately, even though I have been thinking about it. Right now I am feeling angry about what happened. I wish the hospital would give me all the paper records (I'd like to burn them.) and delete the electronic files off of the Epic EMR.
What really irritates me is the lack of communication especially the direct kind. I have always suspected people are full of it. They almost always say things they don't mean. It's a part of the NT script and their obsession with conformity. Apparently it is unwise to question and discuss anything. The pandemic is a perfect example. Humanity is so good at dividing and stigmatizing people who challenge the prevailing view which might be wrong.
In the autism community getting diagnosed with a personality disorder is common. Here is what one person wrote on a blog:
“Borderline Personality Disorder” is just NT clinical speak for “I despise this patient & I will screw them over every way I possibly can in hopes of pushing them to suicide.”
That is exactly how it felt. They nearly broke me and drove me to suicide. I think that is what their goal was.
I think about what happened a lot to try to figure out why it happened. There are so many different factors that contributed. I know for sure that one is medication. I'm sensitive to it especially SSRIs. They tend to make me very irritable which was noted repeatedly in my records. Some can make me suicidal especially Zoloft and Paxil. The doctors apparently kept trying to get me to take medication, but always told me that nothing would help. They emphasized that.
The attending psychiatrist I was assigned to prevented any further investigation. Her resident, who almost figured it out, was ignored. She definitely failed as a doctor because of her biased opinions and stubbornness. - Proof that she was guilty of "black and white" (rigid and polarized) thinking.