Why is it that therapists always want to see self harm wounds? I don't get it. They aren't medical doctors. I had an appointment with my individual therapist today from the IOP. Of course we talked about my relapse. A lot. And she wanted to see the wounds. I showed her because I am a people pleaser. It's bad for me though because no matter how much I do, I will think it is not good enough when I have to show someone. By good enough, I mean bad enough. I'm like I should have done more wounds, I should have gone deeper. I should have made more damage. She told me to put some neosporin on the wounds and to cover them with a gauze pad and tape because they look a little red. IDK. I may or may not do that. I sort of feel like I don't deserve to take care of them, plus I'm pretty sure that they will be fine. There's nothing seeping or anything. She of course said I could die from self harm. I'm like, well it hasn't happened yet. She was like, do you know why it's dangerous? I was like, of course, I could hit an artery or something. She's like that's right. But that doesn't scare me, if that is what she was trying to do it didn't work. I got a verbal consequence from the IOP for self harming. If I do it again, I'll get a written consequence. She asked me if the verbal one felt legalistic or empathetic. I said at first it felt legalistic. Then later it felt empathetic when R added some more to his text message chain. I don't want to have to sign the form so J the therapist said we will use that as positive reinforcement or something to not self harm. As if that would be the worst thing in the world. I don't know why she is so worried about the self harm and not worried about the hallucinations. Anyway showing her the wounds left me feeling vulnerable and unprotected which heightens the need to self harm. Unproductive!