I’m really really anticipating my call about my surgery. I’m getting really nervous. I thought for sure they’d call today. They still have a few hours to call but I’m not sure they will. I’ve been reading all day and it’s been a good distraction but I have a headache and anxiety and nausea from reading so much. I took a couple Valium and a 20mil Geodon. I do think the nausea is caused by the reading. I didn’t read for 10 days and my nausea was fine. Then I started up reading yesterday and I felt it real bad. I read with noise cancelling head phones on but I can’t concentrate without them. I wonder if just being able to see instead of hearing is also an issue. I also haven’t heard back from my therapist who says that she knows at the start of the week if she’ll have cancellations. So I guess that means she won’t be able to see me this week.

Edit: I took the headphones off and put the book down. I do feel better physically. I drank a coke for my headache. Maybe reading 142 pages in one sitting is not a good idea and I should be taking breaks every 40 pages or so.

Edit again: My mom kind of forced me to go to the dollar store with her to get a container for my chocolate. She was out earlier and got a few others for me. We have mice and I told my mom to let my cats in the garage for a bit and it would solve the problem. But she doesn’t believe me. The cashier called me he. Which made me feel good. I have only been misgendered once since starting my transition and that was in June 2020. Ever since then I’ve been called he by everyone. Men, women, and kids of all ages. Even before my top surgery. Even before I started hormones I’d be called he every once in awhile.

I realized I had zero tea today so I drank a couple mugs of tension tamer tea along with my 3rd Valium. I feel better after putting the book down a couple hours ago but I am still antsy about the call I’m anticipating. But I ordered some exotic tea from eBay in august that I accidentally sent to my old house. It took a week after being delivered to my old house but it made it to my new house today. I need to be more careful. I don’t know how that works. If the new homeowners have to take it to the post office or if the post office handles it. Either way it creates unnecessary work for whoever takes care of it at a mistake I could have easily avoided.

I slept good last night. I fell asleep around 9. I woke up at 7:15. I took a shower and half way through I wondered why I was taking one when I had taken one yesterday and had no plans for today. I guess I was still tired and not thinking.