I’m not doing too well today. I think it’s the start of my SAD for me. It’s just been gloomy and rainy and in the low 60’s all day. I had a can of Mountain Dew at 2:30 and I had another can and an ice cream bar for breakfast. Then I had another 16oz Mountain Dew around 8:30. I had a tablespoon of peanut butter about 11. By noon I couldn’t figure out why my anxiety was crazy high. Until I realized it was because I didn’t eat much today but had a ton of caffeine. So I went to a fast food sea food restaurant and I feel better hunger wise. I’m still depressed and anxious. I have not heard back about my insurance and my surgery so I called the office and got the run around for 15 minutes before being directed to the lady who called us last time. She wasn’t there so we left a message and I’m just waiting now. But this is really impacting my mental health and I’m worried I’m going to have a breakdown. I truly am worried. Ive been doing this thing lately where I’ve been reading all day and getting so involved in my book that I lose time and I forget to do stuff until I suddenly realize it and then I have a meltdown because I haven’t eaten all day or properly addressed my anxiety or something. I just get so anxious that all I can do is read for hours. Like I’m unable to move almost. It’s been kinda strange. Which is why I didn’t read between March and July. Because I’d have these episodes and they would be concerning to me. But I guess I started up again. At least I caught myself today and I was able to eat something and not majorly freak out.

But I’ve been back and forth with my therapist since 8AM. I’ve been taking a long time to answer her emails. I can’t get a clear answer if the office maybe went back to remote. She offered me a 3:30 Friday phone call or tele session. Yet didn’t say how long it would be or anything. So I’m just confused by her again and I’m honestly getting very tired of it.