Here's a kind of mediocre poem I sent to my individual T--J. She is trying to get me to express my feelings in words not in Self harm. I sent her one about hallucinations the other day. This one is about trying not to self harm but being a nine on a scale of one to ten with ten being self harming. That's how I feel today.

At a 9

Holding the ice cube to my arm
feeling the transfer of energy from warm to cold
Nothing is hurt yet everything is hurting
How can I bear this mismatch--how do I stop this yearning?

When my heart has a chasm that's too wide to jump
When my head is pounding like waves to the shore
Everything is spinning, everything is reeling
No backup for this pain, no plan B for feelings

Keeping the blade in a drawer though my arms cry for more
Feeling like a train rode its way through my insides
Shiny smooth metal gotta get you out of my mind
Gotta stay in IOP, leave bad addictions behind

This pain's unrelenting, it's unleashed at full power
Nothing to stop it, no brakes to apply
What to do with this pain when mere words aren't enough
Gotta stretch out these days increase tolerance and stuff.