Quote:
Originally Posted by Waterbear
Hey Scarlet - emotions are funny old things, I have come to learn. I can only imagine that the answer to the first question is yes, but I'm not sure entirely. I can only give you an analogy that I used today to describe to my Temp T how I am feeling both anger/resentment/hurt and love/care/understanding at the same time. Like a spinning coin. Each side holding a different thing, but when it spins you can see neither, despite the fact that they are both there, merging and 'dancing' with each other. But (for me at least) it feels impossible to hold both at the same time.
I am so sorry you are hurting and yet unable to access the hurt, and I am sorry I don't have answers to your other questions except that I can only imagine that the dissociation is serving a purpose, maybe to gradually allow you to witness the intense pain without becoming overwhelmed by it. Like a transparent protective sheet maybe.
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I'm sorry you're going through these both/and feelings too. It's hard holding them all. L and I were talking about that too today: the sadness and connection coexisting at the same time. I used the analogy of two rough stones grinding against eachother. I like your analogy of a spinning coin too.
The dissociation must be a form of protection. But it's frustrating to me. I've been feeling very safe and connected to her through this. Maybe the dissociation isn't protecting me from her, but maybe from myself? Maybe both...