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@Sapien:
I feel very conflicted about dating too. My last date was about five years ago and i didn't even really like the guy all that much. He would have been a good companion and perhaps good emotional support but that's all he had to offer.
It was just supposed to be a casual get-together at the mall to play a video game i like with two players. I actually initiated the meeting. I was curious what the game was like with two players. But as the time drew near, i started behaving like it was a date, dressing attractively, make-up and jewelry even.
The guy showed up and he was even more nervous than i was which just heightened my own nervousness. He blurted out as soon as he sat down that we should play the game. I had enough sense to tell him we should chat and catch up for a few minutes first.
But conversation quickly fizzled out and we played the game. It wasn't as fun as i thought it would be with two players. Then he asked to go outside to vape. I despise vaping and smoking but agreed.
The smoking area was dirty and i thought, "What great places you take me to." But it was better being outside in the night air and the big open sky. It relaxed me a bit and he relaxed with his vaping.
Nevertheless, i was still too drained from the strain so when we went back inside the mall and he suggested we play the game some more, i excused myself to "do some shopping." It was just an excuse to get away from him and the intense strain.
Our "date" lasted 40 minutes.
For myself, i will never get involved in dating again unless the guy is truly irresistible. I had an online romance over the Summer and that was intensely enjoyable before it spontaneously combusted.
So i think you're right to be cautious about dating, especially IRL. I know i've had many dates i regret. In our culture dating is regarded as a pleasure but i sure haven't enjoyed a single first date i've had. They were all tense and i was nervous and desperate to get away from the guy.
Starting out as friends seems to be the key and staging the date outside also. That's how my one relatively successful IRL romance as a teen and my recent Summer online romance at 55 started, with a guy on a site we both had an interest in -- it wasn't a dating site. I didn't even know he was a guy at first! Then he turned out to be a handsome guy! We just got too intense too fast as my mood was high and he followed my lead (problems of his own).
So that's my experience with dating. Be friends first and if possible ONLINE friends first and stage your date outside. Dating IRL is VERY INTENSE. People think it's brave to overcome your nerves and everything like that but i feel they are just looking at the bright side and excited for you. They don't give much weight to the intense negative experience of dating, the pain of the intense anxiety of it.
My policy now is: "Unless the guy is irresistible, resist!"
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