My Dad is an alcoholic. He has been since the age of 17 and he’s in his 70s now. He drinks a lot – can easily knock back a litre of whisky in a day, plus beer and red wine. He does it for pain relief and to help him sleep.

He wasn’t around much when I was little, out of the country most of the time having fun adventures and not contributing anything financially. But I knew he loved me and that’s what really counts. He’s never been violent or rude or anything, just absent.

Now, he needs me. I am effectively his carer, though the main way I provide care is walking his dog; plus a bit of shopping, washing up, laundry etc when he’ll let me. And nagging him to drink some tonic water without adding alcohol, or to have a shower! I don't feel like I do enough to call myself a carer, it's not like I live with him and have to help him wash or get dressed.

I have no resentment towards caring for him. If anything, I resented my Mum more for not choosing a better partner to have children with, a proper Dad for me. I just thought he was cool. I liked having an interesting and unusual Dad, a story and a bit of edge. But it is hard when I am also looking after my own children and working and trying to have a life of my own. I have a great husband and kids, a shockingly conventional relationship and life.

Last year, he was on really strong steroids that screwed with his mental health. He had to shield. I was visiting once or twice a day (it’s 30 minute drive each way). At the same time, my Mum was dying of cancer. I had a lot of guilt for spending so much time with him and not her, but she had other people and he didn’t. He needed me more. My brother helps out too, but is busy with work, and does have a bit more resentment I think; he was closer to Mum.

I know this situation isn’t going to improve. He’s not going to cut down or stop drinking after so many years. His dog isn’t going to stop needing to be walked. Unless she dies, in which case I don’t think he’d be far behind. Due to the state of his flat and how poorly trained his dog is, I can’t hire a dog walker (or a cleaner and certainly not a carer) to help.

I want to know what to expect as he declines. I know it’s going to be hard and horrible. I know that alcoholics get treated badly. It’s not treated anything like cancer or any other disease. Healthcare professionals just blame the addict and their poor life choices. I'll finally get him to see the GP about an issue and he's ready to talk but they just ask about how much he's drinking and he clams up. Smokers and obese people don’t seem to get treated anything like as badly, they’re far more socially acceptable.

I've come here now because he's bad again and needing me more again. I've realised that I need to think of myself as a "sandwich carer" to give myself that label and get some support, to know I'm not alone and it's ok that I find it hard, because IT IS HARD!