I dyed my hair blue this morning. Been up since 2am. Got a workout in despite my foot/spine. I am going on that *******ed "date" and I will risk putting myself out there but I won't cling to her like she's the answer to all my problems. I am confident in myself and practice self-compassion independent of others' perspectives. We are going to have fun being with each other because we are not the addicts we try to handle every day. And my hair is fkkking blue now so that's cool. Today's probably going to be an ensure day. I seriously need to somehow get across to my therapist that my eating is fkkked to the point it could be "disordered" I think she thinks I'm not eating because of mixed stuff going on and just not having an appetite but like I'm denying myself the ability to eat. I drink like 7 L of water or tea a day instead of eating. Like, I have the coping skills mastered. But there's a lot of root stuff that's horribly wrong. Like boundaries. I realized it was kinda messeed up when in group the question was "how do you handle it when someone crosses your boundaries" but my answer was "Convince myself it's OK" and I got a lot of "no that's not the right answer' looks and sounds, but that's what I did when I was being abused and that was my survivor tactic and it helped then but it's hurting now so that's just one example of a thing I have to work on. I see my therapist next week. I'm asking for weekly sessions now. I'm going to get the ****ing sheets blue lol.

I got a n pointment with the neurologist! In freaking January! I was expecting a wait, but not four months!