11:08 PM here and I am feeling a bit better after taking a nap this afternoon. I feel lost and dejected. I was hoping my therapy appointment would feel beneficial but it didn't -- it just made me feel I can't be understood and I am to just struggle and suffer. It wouldn't do me much good to "try again" next session, because there won't be one. She's leaving so I have to get another therapist. I don't want to start over with another person, but at the same time -- it could be an improvement. I didn't personally care for this therapist in general, but not wanting to start over, I stuck with her. She wasn't bad, we just didn't mesh well I don't think.

I've more or less decided tomorrow I'll call to put my name on the list for IOP, as long as I am not bound to it. I'll also ask specifically for a therapist who is well versed in trauma/DBT. That's what my therapist recommended I ask for.

I see the psychiatrist on Monday. I don't even know what to say. I felt awful in therapy without real words to articulate things (I've had such an issue with that as of late). I don't know what to tell my psychiatrist. I do see an 100% difference from where I was before meds. I don't know if this is as good as it gets, or if adjustments could be made. It's not my call in the end anyway, but the reason I'm saying something is because I don't know what to expect or how to gauge if it's working optimally for me, you know? I just feel like I'm unprepared for yet another meeting.


I am really unsure about therapy, if I can go back to that for a minute. I was literally fighting wants to just end the call immediately about halfway through it. I Just didn't want to go through it anymore. I felt so out of place, so un-helpable. She didn't do anything wrong, it's just I never felt she understood me.


I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm going to lay in bed and hopefully sleep.