Called the mental health clinic today that I go to. I went ahead and put my name down on the Intensive Outpatient list. They reassured me if it's not a good fit, there is not obligation to it. I can quit. I go through too many periods of needing extra help and never having it to really say it wouldn't be helpful. At least trying this step, means that I've truly exhausted every resource I have beyond inpatient therapy. Thank God for telehealth, or else I wouldn't even have this option.

I also am trying to get scheduled with a new therapist, but it may take a bit of time. I asked for someone with the specializations that my therapist recommended. There are only a select few there who are and we are gonna try to fit me into on of their schedules is applicable. I am not exactly sure I feel therapy is the right choice. Again, I'm feeling un-helpable. I feel beyond the scope of most people and the problem lies within me. These things aren't instantaneous -- my feelings may change and I'll be months out from an appointment. So, that's why I'm doing this even though I don't see much benefit right now.

I just wish I felt better, emotionally. At least I can say I'm not as low as I was a month ago, without meds. Let's at least wrap this sob story in a little bit of hope and a silver lining.

EDIT: Just got placed with a new therapist. She's an LPA (Licensed Psychological Associate). So, this will be the first time I work with an psychologist. She's pretty fresh out of college (last three years) and being an " associate" means she's still getting her clinical hours in. Maybe it's a different experience. We'll see when I see her in a month I guess.